Part 22: Reckless In The Last Days
With my new found partial freedom, I was figuring out ways to abuse it at every turn.... Not that I really should have or anything, it was just something that started happening... Work and school were introducing me to new people and new connections of sorts, allowing me to indulge in recreational vices....
Although, my personal drug of choice was just an occasional joint or what not, I seemed to be able to get a hold just about anything... it started with small amounts hidden in hard to find places, kept for myself when I found the time or on the way to work or after school... However, I still found myself following my old self imposed rules for drug use...
As the quantities increased, so did the type and variety, and the quality...
I was once given an ounce of Mushrooms, and another ounce of weed, to do what I wanted with... basically I kept the weed for myself, on my personal time, but smuggled both packages into the house strapped to my leg... that night was pretty unforgettable...
I started with eating what I wanted for myself, then slowly handing small amounts off to other guys, until half the house was tripping off the shrooms... keep in mind we were in custody living in a group home...
The house rules were that we were only allowed upstairs more than one at a time without staff.... there was on point when we had about eight of us in one the rooms on the top floor... We were having a little party, music on blast, etc...
There was other nights like that, but different substances, mainly done by individuals upon request...
There was many nights I came home from work, or a visit completely blitz'd out of my mind.... I never really got caught or questioned at all, until on night.... One of our staff, an old School Jamaican man, who was a drinker.... looked at me one night as I re-entered the house after a visit... and simple gave me a chuckle... and waited for the reaction of some of the other guys... who knew as soon as they looked at me...
After he confirmed it with the others, he pulled me aside and we had a long discussion about life, more or less... he really didn't give any trouble, we were both a bit lifted now that I think of it, and just sat talking for a few hours... it was a pretty interesting conversation that I wouldn't be able to repeat for the life of me, even the next day....
On one of my own adventures that I embarked, another half ounce of shrooms to last me a few weeks, or to share... I was suffering from severe tooth pain, which I ended up needing a root canal for....... So, I decided to chomp down on some one afternoon on the way to the dental surgen.... I must have ate about a quarter ounce before the pain started to numb even a little bit... I proceeded to go through with a root canal while I was high on Mushrooms... I was the weirdest feeling I've ever had while high on any substance...
You know when you're at the dentist and they have the vacuum to suck up all the saliva the builds up at the back of your throat... I remembered that while I was getting my root canal, and started to panic, and ask them to use the vacuum... they did, but my throat was bone dry... I got a bit of a laugh out of that at the time...
Well before that day, when I found out I had a bad tooth, or nerve... the Nerve from one tooth was actually rubbing on the nerve from the tooth next to it... After the hospital doctor told the house worker that it was ok it give me pain killers, they started feeding me them.... at least two every 2 hours, maybe more at times.... It got to a point where I lost track and I was actually high on the pain killers...
We were on an outing in High Park, one night, to get some air... I was already totally out of it, but I climbed a small hill to the top, and saw a park bench so I stood up on it and hung my body over the back of it and threw up and couple times... When it was over, I was completely out of it, high as a kite and feeling no pain at all...
I was still a couple months away from release, but I was getting restless... and testing my limits more and more, without actually running away... I had long commutes and longer days at work...
I was finding ways to skip school from time to time, to hang out with a couple girls that I met at school, they took me out for drinks one afternoon at a local pool hall nearby the school... They were underage, for drinking... and I didn't want to pay for it... so it took most of the afternoon to get our alcohol.... nice girls, but it was kind of a waste of time, so I was able to duck out and check in with the house before I left the area...
The was one time when I had a dental appointment, leading up to my root canal... where I had to travel clear across the city to get there and back. On my way back I decided to take a walk through my old neighbourhood... I was trying to be discreet and see if my friends would even recognize me. It took a few minutes, and I almost walked right past them before the noticed me.... but soon there was a little celebration at my presence, honestly too, I was glad to see them as well...
I made myself leave and head back to the house, against the requests of my friends... they wanted me to stay, but I was still in custody and if I had stayed would have been charged all over again... That was the first time I may have done the right thing for myself... And I was glad I did...
Although, I tried to make it my good bye to the neighbourhood, and my friends... because by that point I knew when I was getting out, and what I had to do when I got out, so I was trying to abide by the arrangements and do what was good for myself at the time...
My release date was coming fast, and I was trying not to fuck it up, I still had 2 full years of probation to complete after being released.... I swore to myself that the first time I went to jail was going to be the last and only time I had to...
By this point, I was both valuing what freedom I already enjoyed, but looking forward to getting out... in turn, the freedoms that I already had were making me abuse them at every chance I got... Luckily, my recklessness made me very cautious... and I was able to get away with a lot, because I had planned so much with the time I had to think about things...
Early on, when I was transfered to the house in Toronto, the Doctor had tried me on some psychiatric medication... it happened to be an anti-depressant, the side effects it had on me were totally opposite to what they were supposed to be... it was suppose to awaken me, and make me more UP..... but what happened was I slept, I was completely useless for about a month while I tried to get used to the adjustments in the dose.... after that I just had to stop taking it...
It wasn't until later in my sentence that the Doctor tried again... This time it was an anti-psychotic medication, and was very powerful... because I was again smoking weed heavily at the time, it combined with the meds also had a counter affect... I found that if I was high, or had been high recently and took my medication, it would make me very aggravated, or irritable... It was much easier to set me off, while on the medication.... I told the Doctor that, and I didn't like the feeling and quickly took myself off it, telling the doctor that I wasn't ready for it...
As my time came to an end, so did my meetings with the Doctor, and my drug use stabilized or evened out... Now it was time to prepare for my release...
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