Freeze Flame Productions Inc

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Set Backs & Milestones: The Rizes & Falls

Part 28:  Choices Vol. 6, Don't Have to be Locked up to be in Jail...


Although I was released during the week, I certainly felt as if I was doing time.  I was able to continue where I left on in school, but had a lot of catching up to do... I spent my free time in the library, and was surprised to find out just how many sexy smart girls there was in my school...

Only a hand full of people knew what was going on with me, my situation... and with that came a lot of avoiding conversations, etc... I kept to myself, even away from many of my closer friends. As I was able to catch up fairly quickly in most subjects, and without a social life & (car), I was left on my own to get myself around from place to place...

For the first time in a couple years I was a bus rider again, living in one city and going to school in another... This made my commute pretty long, but it gave me time to think of new things, projects, and what my next move was going to be...

My triple probation at the time, and my occupied time during a majority of the weekends left me without much free time, outside school and homework, etc..  Something that had been on my mind for many years that I had not done anything about.  My own adoption, I knew very little about any of it, and decided to ask my parents... They, unfortunately didn't know much either, but had a starting point...

I spent the following weeks corresponding with the Child and Family Services agency in Alberta, and found a couple other agencies to register my name with in Alberta and Ontario... They told me, however, that nothing would happen unless my birth mother contacted them the same way... That was just disappointing, but I didn't get too discouraged...

When Family Services finally got back to me, they had some additional information about my birth parents, but even better was that they provided my birth name as well as my birth family name... this was my new starting point.  I was just getting acquainted with the internet, but had figured out by that point how to do searches and what not...  I now had a family name, so I used a name search in Canada to narrow it down, then narrowed it down to BC and Ontario... Alberta wasn't an available choice.

After doing the search, I printed off the list of phone numbers and addresses, and then I was stumped.... Not sure what to do, I simply waited.  I was thinking of phoning, but didn't know what to say and didn't think I was ready for that route...  The lists were filed away for the time being...

By the time Christmas 1998, rolled around there wasn't much excitement in my life, but I was caught up in school and accomplishing my mandatory sessions required by my sentencing.. All these things taking up my time, I used the rest of the time documenting events in my life... This wasn't an easy process because I just didn't know where to start, I just had ideas and kept a record of ideas...

The search for my birth mother dwelled in the back of my mind, it always had... But now there was something more I could do... It just wasn't adding up to me.  Now I had yet another idea, I had the time, so I started researching genealogy for the name I had been supplied, as well as the name I had gone by my whole life... mostly out of curiosity, but also to know....

There was a feeling deep within, that if I didn't find these things out for myself, it may prevent me from moving forward in my life... it was another void to fill in the unknown sections of my life...  I was also reading a lot, spending more time at the book store, etc... With the knowledge of my birth mother, also came a renewed interest in my own heritage.

I had known for a time, that I was native, but never really did anything with that information... I started reading books, and finding information about that aspect of my heritage... It was around this time, that I adopted the name Red Brown.  A name I kept to myself, for myself... but started using it for various activities... 

It was strange, I knew I was out and allowed to move around fairly freely, but something inside was not letting me be free... I felt very restricted.  It was close to the end of January before I had to complete my final weekend... The first and the last weekend are supposed to be served at the jail.  So I went to the Jail to check in, and went through the motions of the intake... A process that I never did enjoy.

I was fortunate, however, my release day was on a Friday... So, I went through the check in process, then was immediately taken to the release area, and signed out, etc... I was now finished my Intermittent sentence as well as the temporary probation that came along with that... I must say, it was a weight off my mind.  I now only had two more Probation orders to complete... it was at that point, I made a decision...  

During my Weekends, I was ordered to attend anger/agression management sessions which covered me for my treatment aspect on my probation. Once those weekend were finished, that required stayed and I was supposed to seek some kind of treatment...  I decided that the easiest thing to do was to reconnect with the Doctor from my last group home and see what he had to say about the whole situation...

The decision to do this was an idea I had because my parents moving date was closing in. I not only had to find a place to live, but had to remain focused while trying to complete school as well... In our discussions, we decided that the best course of action was psychiatric medication.  I was far more open to it this time because I was ready for a hiatus from my drug use, etc... I had been on my own at this point for months, in terms of having friends around... 

It was in between semesters when I was able to find a little apartment for myself to live in to finish out the school year, and so on... My parents were much more supportive now that I was on medication, in school... making an effort basically.  They helped me move in around February 1999, and I was now living on my own.  I had done it before, but now had an apartment, rather than just a room in somebody else's house... It was only a month or so before my family was to move, so they were already packing... and cleaning up the new place, etc... they didn't have time to deal with me, but they weren't worried as much either...



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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Set Backs & Milestones: The Rizes & Falls


PART 27: Mini Biography Vol. 8


Here is Volume 6 of the Auto Biography of Freeze Flame.  Evolution was slow and projects became part of the story itself... take a read, and look forward to the rest of the sauga.  Development has taken years, but at this point in time, delays were normal... roadblocks were consistently getting in the way.... along the road, however, small milestones started showing themselves as time went by.  



The Autobiography of Freeze Flame:
Vol. 6: Fall 98, The NEXT PHASE




It was in the Fall of 1998, when the weekend club nights hit its peak, Red had successfully reenrolled in school for his final year of High school, a much delayed event in itself...

Red Brown and the current crew had been hitting the club on a regular basis now for months, they were known regulars, but also known because of the shit they caused or were involved in during the course of the night's events...

It was more than a month into the semester and just over a month before the next Christmas as well, early November... Although, the weekend club night happened to be all ages, there was still a sectioned off drinking area for legal age people. The club was Abyss, a converted warehouse formerly used to house lumber, the place was huge and always packed so tight nobody could walk through without pushing people out of the way...

The night in question was a crew night... not just for Red, everybody in the building was reppin' something, and there with a big group of people.. Red decided to leave early that night... forgetting that he had everybody jackets in the trunk...

The next morning, there had been some issue with not answering the phone, or ID, or something used as an excuse to forced the blame unto Red Brown...

When he arrived and returned the jackets and what not, Red was confronted by one of his "friends," and a fight ensued... at first, Red was not taking it seriously, thinking dude was just messing around... Red was given a wake up call when he took a punch that knocked him over and stunned him a minute... all this was in a drive way, between a car and a house...

As Red rested on the car, after the punch he felt the other guy grab him by the back of his shirt, and Red was not about to let that happened again. He lunged forward to held his colleague up against the wall until he fought back once again... and then it was on...

The two clashed up and down the driveway briefly before the other guy went back into the house and grabbed what looked like a broomstick, Red was already in his car and about to leave when the other guy emerged from the side entrance of the house and rushed to the open window of the car on full attack mode...

Red proceeded to stop the car and put it back in drive, and gunned it towards to side of the house, as the other guy jumped his leg was caught between the house and the car... Realizing what he had just done, Red panicked and through the car back into reversed and slammed the gas pedal down... Keeping in mind this happened in a driveway, there was a car sitting and the end of the driveway... Red's car jump the concrete curb and slammed into the car's headlight on the passenger side...

Putting it back in Drive momentarily to manoeuvre around the smashed vehicle on avoid new onlookers who had just became aware of the situation, he continued his escape and drove backwards down the street until he found a place to turn around and get away...


It was a few hours before Red returned to the scene with insurance papers to talk to the owner of the other car... the police were waiting and took him into custody without asking any questions...

Red had now graduated to the Next Phase of the justice system, he was arrested and again delivered to the adult holding facility...

It had been close to a year since Red had met his new "Friends." He had given much of their activities as a group some serious and deep thought, and had come to the conclusion that the guys were a good fit, only some of them would have been interested in the team that Red was looking to develop... but was the time right?

He knew there was a couple guys in the group of new friends that were much more sincere friends than the others, but he chose to trust their judgement, as to not stress himself out, more than anything else...

Red had spent the better part of the current year, locked away in a basement outside of school, focusing on finishing what he thought would be a major stepping stone, that being high school... In that time, He spent some of the time doing his homework assignments, but also studying the music videos of the time, and writing his own stories once again, in rhyme form...

He did this without music to write to, but he did it for himself more than anything. Red's struggles with his own demons fueled some angry lyrics, however, tales of his own sins revisited made him realize that something was still missing... There was a real lack of female companionship within his life, and he came to think that maybe that was the cure for many of his personal problems...

While at school, he mainly observed quietly among his peers, they knew him and didn't bother him, just let him be around.. Red found himself not really looking for friends, but simply stumbling upon people going about their own lives... They all had their own stories, and their own lives... Red didn't interfere, but observed for a moment...

For this moment of observation, Red suddenly felt a sense of pride in his own stories... Not knowing what their stories were, he realized just how many stories he had for himself... And if any of the surrounding stories had any substance like his... What a difference it could make....

Red did meet some real genuine friends while in school, a couple good ones... They had started talking during class and hanging out outside of school before his arrest... and they were waiting for his return after his release. Although, they didn't know where he went for an entire month, they welcomed him back upon his return...

In Red's young life to that point, red had struggled with identifying real friends from fake friends, and many times his choices had lead him to the latter. Only to figure it out far too late, when the so called friendships either ended violently, or in a mutual difference of opinion that tore apart the friendship...


Sometimes, people are just destined for different paths in life, but when the paths meet a crossroads for a time... there paths can be intertwined for awhile and eventually part ways naturally...

When this happened, Red always seemed to feel as if he was in some way at fault... but when he thought about it later, these relationships just simply ran their course and split off into different life paths...

Red was now an adult, in the eyes of the law, he was being held in an adult holding facility that was under construction at the time, they were expanding, making a big jail into a much bigger prison... Red still had a lot of time on his hands, there is much less activity in an adult jail.

He continued to write, as much as possible, he wrote letters to friends and girls, that were never sent... he just wrote for himself... He kept writings of his tales, and new stories related to his current situation....

At the time of his arrest, Red was charged with Criminal Negligence causing Bodily Harm, and the Crown(Prosecutor) wanted a minimum of 10 years as the initial sentence.... based on his previous record and well as other factors, like mental health and behavioural issues...

Red now found himself starring down the barrel of a long gun, known as time... Red did not feel that these charges warranted a 10 year sentence, and made attempts to get out on bail, again without success...

He now just had to wait it out, and stay strong.. he continued to write, and one day decided to write his own lawyer a letter... something to explain his ways and show remorse, etc... things that he never really was able to express in person. The lawyer was more impressed with the writing ability than the tone of the letter.... Red's main reason for wanting to be released was to finish his schooling which he had been enrolled for his final year...

It was a little less than a month, but felt as if he had been there for about three months, as time just dragged on and on... sitting in pre-trial custody is a very real waste of time, and part of life that could be much more productive... But the end was near, and the lawyer worked out a plea deal that would allow Red to go back to school, deal with his demons and get out of jail and continue to be productive...

The deal meant that Red would have to plead guilty to the lesser charge of Dangerous Driving, to be served on weekends, to allow him to return to school, but also with an order to seek treatment for anger issues and behaviour problems, etc..

Red was also forced to forfeit his driver's license for a year, and complete another year of probation... luckily, he was given credit for his dead time, 3 to 1... this reduced the sentence enough to allow for a weekend sentence... 30 days intermittent.

Red was released the day of his sentence, and ordered to report to another institution the following Friday... To begin his weekends sentence. What he didn't know, was that his release during the week was conditional and subject to what could be called a temporary probation, until the sentence was completed.... 


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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Set Backs & Milestones: The Rizes & Falls



Part 26:  Choices Vol. 5,  A Troublesome '98



As 1998 began, I started it homeless, so the way I saw it the only way to go was up... There was many significant improvements in my life, but the was also setbacks along that road that continued to challenge me.  New jobs came and went as fast as they could interview me it seemed, I became very accustomed to getting fired within the probationary period which allowed most employers to get rid of me without reason... A car had entered my life, and maintenance issues became a regular things...There was the first crash, my first car accident... it was unfortunate, but I had to deal with it...

Over the course of the next six months or so, that car needed to have its transmission replaced twice, luckily we had the extra car.... the first time they were just swapped, the second time they were combined and rebuilt into a new one.  My residence and my mailing address seemed to change more often then my job.

As I spent my summer fighting criminal charges in and out of court, I was able to get past those situations with relative ease, however, the trouble kept coming... under surveillance?  Possibly, but it got to a point where I was getting pulled over by the police 3 or 4 times a day, just so they could search the car or harass us... in that time I was racking up unnecessary tickets, for just about everything one could think of... 

Near the End of the summer, most of my friends at the time took jobs at the same place, I applied and was hired too, but chose to return to school and disappear for a while... Probably a good idea, our constant night out became  a weekend thing for a while...

I was allowed to move in with my parents as school started, which allowed for some security for a time... I started back at the Toronto school I had attended successfully over a year prior... Now that some provincial laws had changed and the boundaries for school attendance were wide open.

In the Fall of 1998, at the beginning of the school year, I was very optimistic and new this would be there year for me to complete high school... After a whole year was lost, and getting kicked out of just about every school I knew of, complicated situations were my present existence at the time...  Knowing things weren't going to made easy for me, I wasn't about to give up when I was so close... 

My living situation was still very volatile and came to a head sometime during October or so, and lead to me having to walk out of my family's home once more without a fight, but with some harsh words from both sides... I wanted to continue with school, but also found that I needed to make some money along the way, soon finding myself sleeping on another friend's couch for a short time, and trying to get to school on time each day... 

Already being close to half way through the first semester, the next event came as quite a shock to me, as once again I found myself under arrest and being held in the local lock up (again) for adults for the second time that year...    Needless to say, I was disappointed with myself, but again had to deal with the fate in which I was presented....

After being released nearly a full month later, I was under very strict conditions.... I returned to school and continued where I left off and was able to catch up by doing a few extra assignments.  I wasn't about to have another year go to waste... Although there was one teacher that could have cared less what my situation was.  There was no more weekend parties, my parents allowed me to live with them until they moved... They had recently purchased a home outside the city, and were to move in March 1999... Which left me to fend for myself again, as I had intended on staying in my current school to finish the year as well as my high school diploma...

I was still on probation from the original conviction in which I had been recently released only a year prior... That put me within a year of finishing it for good, until the new charges were dealt with... My Sentence was one to be served on weekends, conditional release during the week,(like a temporary probation,) until the weekends were completed... As well as an extra year of Probation. That extended me original probation by at least six months...  The way it was explained to me was that it was like triple probation, running simultaneously.  I wasn't allowed to move without notice, My license was also suspended by the court for a full year as well...

This was a social life killing experience, but I was surprisingly ok with that because I was focussing on getting school finished, and had actually met a couple new friends after returning to school again...  I got really lucky with my weekend sentence, I only had to serve the first weekend and only until Sunday evening... part of the sentence was to allow me to go back to school.  The rest of the weekends were spent attending courses and workshops for Anger/Agression Management... This allowed me to get out of the house for the day and travel alone, have some time to myself.... 

Locked down inside my mind for a time, unseen in physical form although present, still invisible... I focused my mind on the positive things, things that I was accomplishing and even though I wasn't driving anymore some of the friends stuck around.. some preferred me not to have me behind the wheel considering the circumstances... The newest conviction was Dangerous Driving, though there wasn't much driving involved... It all took place in a driveway...

With an end date in sight, I closed out the year of 1998, in much the same way as it started... in trouble... not the same kind of trouble, but I was back in school and doing fairly well... With the additional probation order place upon me at my sentencing, it was clearly stated that I attend or seek some form of treatment again...

On top of school, triple probation, treatment requirements, etc... I felt pretty overwhelmed, with a new year was approaching I wanted to get everything done as cleanly and quietly as possible...

With '99 in my sights, and the end near, the anxiety was present at all turns and needed to be calmed... I also only had a few months before I would be on m own once again...




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Monday, January 3, 2011

Set Backs & Milestones: The Rizes & Falls

Part 25: Mini Biography Vol. 7


In this Volume 5 of the Auto Biography of Freeze Flame, Change, gets a new life; The Master Plan, finds new realities; And a still young  Red Brown finds a  new crew of potential teammates... The music is alive and well, but the past keeps revealing itself in the form of Disaster on the Rise.  Freeze Flame's Struggles on the come up continue as the battle for Red Brown's Freedom continues to jeopardize future aspirations.  Take a read... 




The Autobiography of Freeze Flame:
Vol. 5; Early 98, The Restart (Removal & Extraction)




It was around Christmas 1997, when Red's path took a different turn, maybe just at the right time too... He had recently had a sit down with his Probation Officer to discuss some serious changes he wanted to make, both in his life as well as his probation order...

He was aware of certain elements and restrictions that were holding back his progress in many departments, and affecting his relationships within his own family.
 

In the early days of 1998, Red's P.O. Informed him that she was able to make a few changes to his order in order for him to better his relationship with his family, but a job was also mentioned. It was a construction job, a labour job for a non-union bricklayer that ran a crew of about 6 guys.... It was January, and the job started immediately...

Transportation became a problem very quickly, as the crew members were not willing to car pool, however, Red was able to secure a vehicle during the first week. This meant he needed to work extra or as much as possible in order to make up payments...

Red's living accommodations were still up in the air and he was wearing out his welcome at his "friend's" places... There was soon a difference of opinion, or falling out which lead Red straight out the door... It may have been a blessing in disguise as Red's mission was not in step with his friends at the time...

Due to the Non-Union aspect of his new construction job, jobs were small and short, as well as few and far between, this lead to issues with money on occasion. Red spent many nights in his car at first, and at cheap motels... but was soon able to find a room to rent...

By the end of January, the jobs had slowed to a halt and Red was tired of waiting it out, and came up with an idea... and decided to look into it. He went to the nearby high school, which happened to be the rival school of his original, and talked to a guidance councillor about a co-op educational program that he could tie into his current job...

As work was slowed, and the idea worked Red found himself back in school legitimately. The program required a few weeks of class work, so he was in a class... introduced to his new classmates and teachers...

He was able to complete the in class portion without issue, but when it came time to go out to his work placement, Red found his job was still slow, with only a few days work in the month of February... He was able to make some quick friends through school and nice young lady to hang out with outside of school and between work...

Red's living situation was again in jeopardy because there was little money coming in, so he looked into getting some type of student assistance, basically what they called welfare for high school students...


Red was the one in the group who happened to have a car, and with that came a certain level of popularity, whether wanted or not... He became the driver, and was invited to many functions at this point... some that were more in line with Red's mission to build a company with a musical focus...

One obstacle that was becoming more of a problem on the day to day, was Red's teacher for the co-op program, who now had access to his information and employer. She also happened to be a former probation officer, and in finding out Red's personal situation became very adamant on getting him out of the program as well as the school... She believed he wasn't genuine in his goals, and his willingness to improve his lifestyle...

Red soon had to move out of his room, and found another one not far from the school and with easy access to the highway in order to get to work assignments... With this change came more problems, mainly with the teacher...

She was determined to get Red kicked out of the program, in turn, getting Red out of the school as well. Red and his new associates were trying to enjoy their lives as much as possible and maintain a schedule in order to graduate, Red was in line for graduation with a successful completion of the co-op program... He also started taking night courses to complete an extra credit and keep himself busy and out of trouble as work just was not finding him...

Red was into March at this point, When he finally got called into work again, for a few days work in Downtown Toronto... When the job was completed, Red's boss was happy with his performance, but stressed that he would have to make a choice between work and school and that the teacher had been in contact with him...

At that point, Red was let in on something of a secret, being that the job was given to him because of his dad and his probation officer and not because of much else... this was his "chance."

Red told his boss of the idea to incorporate the school with the job, because work had been slow, and told him how close he was to be able to graduate... By the end of the conversation, the boss had advised him to continue with school, and finish... and he would allow Red to keep his job...

Red's night life was very active at this point, out with the crew most nights, school or co-op during the days, probation and night school... Red had his plate full trying to make things happen, in order to accomplish his main mission...

The teacher eventually, called for a sit down with Red to discuss his progress in the program. She was very convincing telling Red that she had talked to his PO and his Boss, and they had agreed to take him on full time, if he left the school... What Red didn't know was that it was a lie... She got what she wanted, Red out of the school...

So when Red showed up for work the next day he was fired before the shift even started... He wanted an explanation, telling his boss what the teacher had said...


Around the same time, Red had again run the course of his living arrangements and was forced to find a new place to live (again)... And found a helping hand with his new friend's family. It wasn't the best idea, but he was out of money and options at this point... and needed an opportunity to regroup...

Red was now out of school again, and lost out on his final credits to graduate... So he decided to look for work, as long as he still had his welfare, he could pay a small amount of rent to his friend's family, to keep that option open for a while... he was able to find temp work, nights days, afternoon, anything that came up he took it... the more work the better, considering there wasn't much room for him anyway...

The night life was at a height, if not in the clubs, just out with the crew all the time... Red's love for Hip Hop was again rejuvenated when with his new found living situation sat a DJ set up, turn table and hundreds of records... His friend and Red were able to mess with it from time to time, not often but it kept his mind on what was really important to him...

The club nights got Red into the music, but Red was disappointed at the playlist most nights, just not consistent enough, dress codes pissed him off because bouncers used it as an excuse to harass patrons... The only thing that made him go was the music, Red found soon that hitting the club every night wasn't all about fun and music... There was obligations, especially while riding crew deep...

Red had been dealt a tricky hand early in the year, but was grateful to be away from the old situation which he felt he was not going anywhere... His new situation, Red looked at these new friends with a watchful eye, trying to determine if they would make the proper team to take his idea to new heights...

Red's eyes were deceiving him at most turns, seeing is believing, but there was potential in this group of guys... Red happened to see first hand... The crew was spread throughout the western portion of the Greater Toronto Area, there was a lot of driving involved.

Red quickly found out who were the real friends in the group and who were along for the ride, it wasn't that difficult after taking so long to find out where his old friends stood in his life and with his opinions.

When it comes to having pale skin, as a native, Red met first hand what discrimination felt like and how they treated "others," he brushed it off without retaliation, mainly because he knew something they didn't.... That they were complete idiots that didn't know what they were talking about.

It was time... Red had made the decision, he wanted change in his life and achieved a small level of that, but knew it wasn't enough... there was not only specific people that he had to rid from his life, but certain types of people that needed to be evacuated from his presence at the earliest signs of unneeded negativities... This included, not only actions, but attitudes and outlooks towards just about everything...

His chance at a new life was presenting itself before his very eyes, Red just needed to figure out where that new life was going to lead, and in which direction to take it...


--

Set Backs & Milestones: The Rizes & Falls


Part 24: R U Still Down?  Join the Club



My release date landed right before summer 1997, my old friends were glad to see me, but used almost an excuse to party, so the celebrations lasted quite a while... By the time I had finished school for the year, and made the move to Hamilton, I had fallen back into my old ways, and almost felt as if I had never left other than the change in demographic and the turn over in people...

Many people that I had known, were gone, and replaced just as quickly...  There was a few of what I considered new friends that resented my presence because I had been gone so long, that they thought I was the new guy...

As summer hit, parties hit harder... As my living situation ran on thin ice, I found myself in transit most days and nights, either on the way to a party or coming from one... It was tiring, and after awhile I realized I was falling into a trap of self destruction(again) and if I didn't find a way out soon... I may end up right back where I had just returned from...

As we ran out of houses to party at, the parties migrated to hotels, and overnight raves... Many of which I enjoyed, but didn't do the necessary drugs to allow me to stay up throughout the entire party... 

It was late in the summer, when I caught a beat down... Courtesy of some old friends, set up by some other old friends... I never really got to figure out who did set it up, but it immediately changed the dynamic of the group.... Everybody was watching their back, waiting for me to retaliate... 

With everybody suspicious and paranoid, and continuously doing more drugs... that paranoia was growing more than average.  The act was wearing thin for me, I was wearing out my welcome on friend's couches which is only natural... But the whole situation was deteriorating quickly and I was facing much of the blame... this lead to many disagreements and eventually a major falling out...

By the end of the year, I realized I needed a serious change...   My probation officer was more willing to help after a real sit down discussion about my situation and what not.  I was kicked out of my friend's place, and found myself without a place to live, and had to resort to staying in homeless shelters for a time while my P.O. adjusted my order in order to make it easier for me to have an apartment, a job, etc...

After spending an unsuccessful semester trying to get back into school, and being kicked out all over the city... of schools, and homes, and even homeless shelters... By this time I was already 18 years old, and the youth shelter allowed ages 16-25, but younger had the priority...

It was amazing to me that the shelter was constantly full, disappointing to me that I was forced to leave more often than I could stay... Covenant House was the only youth shelter that I knew of at the time that would allow a youth with a criminal record to stay, but on my final night at the shelter, I was awaken from my bed, and made to leave in order to make room for a younger person... 

They gave me tokens for transportation, and directions to another shelter that would allow me to stay... it wasn't far, so I walked.  In the middle of the night, I was kicked out of a homeless shelter, and sent to another... The new place, didn't have any sheets or blankets... I stayed, used my bag as a pillow, tried to sleep in my clothes... 

The next day, I signed out and left and never went back to that place or Covenant House.  I had simultaneously been enrolled in a work-at-your-own-pace type of alternative school as I attempted to get through High School... What made the situation more complicated was that the school was in Mississauga, and the shelter in Downtown Toronto... in order to get to school by 8am, I had to leave the shelter by at least 6am... this was a drain.  By the time I arrived at the school I was too tired to be productive...

It was the New Year 1998, before things started to change.  I decided to leave my old neighbourhood behind in pursuit of greater ventures... I was hired into a Non-Union Construction job for a time, and soon after enrolled in a fresh school for a new semester... 

The job, brought a vehicle into the picture.. School brought new friends into the picture, the combination brought new women into my life, and renewed my interests in my master plan(s)...

With the job, I was able to finally get my own place to live and not have to rely on others, because that just didn't seem to work.  My PO was also fortunately able to alter my order, after months of trying to, I was able to communicate with my family once again... I no longer had to divulge every bit of my legal information to employers, schools, landlords, etc... without being asked for it first.

The new settings, with new friends, brought many new adventures... I was the driver, and although my days were full, my nights were very busy.... Again, like feeling I was living a double or triple life... Sleep was lacking, but I was OK with that at this point.

I figured the more busy I was, the less I would get into trouble... But with the clubs nights came problems, and more fighting than I had seen in years... I was OK with that as long as the police didn't get involved... 

I spent most of the time in the drinking section, in order to avoid "collision" for no reason... as seemed to be the norm on the dance floor.  The night I was discovered to be carrying a fake ID, was a serious night... I was dragged down the hall by at least four bouncers... they kicked my ass in the back room until the cops showed up, then they threw me in the alley way for the cops to deal with... 

The first cop hit me over the head, and the next thing I remember is waking up in a GO Station parking lot getting beat up again by police, he said I called him a PIG, whatever... I just knew I got my ass kicked about three times before they took me to the police station...

After being charged with Breaching my probation, I spent the rest of the night in the holding cells, "cooling off."  Later, as the club let out for the night, the police were called to a nearby coffee shop due to a brawl that broke out inside, a very bloody one, caused by a sugar dispenser... they let me out of the car in the parking lot and told me to go home...
       
As much as I wanted change & now having an adult charge to deal with, in Burlington, ON... of all places.  I wasn't impressed, but took it as a sign... and tried to focus on different adventures while dealing with these new charges...

It was April 1998, when on the way to a party with a carload of guys, we got into an accident with a little Honda Civic running a red light, my car being an 85' Cutlass and solid steel... bounced the civic right off, almost unscathed.. just a little damage to the alignment...

We were able to drive away, after giving a accident report... The car was never the same after that... it actually became a combination of two...

After a few weeks of driving it around all fucked up.. the steering column was twisted around almost a full turn... My dad made me take it off the road, until we fixed it up... We found a very rusty car of the same model, a year older... for like $400.  I stripped my car down to the frame, in order to be straightened, and the other down to the frame for the replacement parts...

By this time, new debts were accumulating rapidly... although, I was working on a regular basis, I wasn't making enough to cover debts, so again... falling back into my old ways, new ventures... I took to the streets, as quietly as possible.  I did what I knew, and to make money quickly, however, I managed to keep it out of my own neighbourhood and away from people that knew me and could potentially threaten my freedom...

By the beginning of the summer, I had managed to pay down a major portion of my debt and was now enlightened to what I should have been doing in the first place...  I continued to make extra money, but soon found myself in a tight spot... yet again, I fucked up this time I was arrested and held.  I was taken for a bail hearing, and made bail, but my surety didn't come pick me up for a couple days...

Finding myself up on  adult charges now, two sets, for the first time... I found myself regretting many things in the last year or so... Since my release, I had sworn up and down to myself, to stay out of trouble... it just seemed to follow me... 

Eventually, near the end of the summer, the Breach charge was dropped on a technicality... and the Drug charges were plead down and was given a Fine to pay... I paid it as fast as possible. I really wanted to have a clear record before I entered my 20's... that left me a little less than two years... 
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