PART 8: Life of Dreams Vol.1, What if this is Real?
Sometime in the early 90's, I allowed my reality to slip away undetected... I was living in a daily haze of intoxication that became the norm for me. I never considered this a problem, but it made my thoughts run wild.... my imagination and my dreams would come up with all kinds of scenarios that may or may not have happened, but the imagery was so vivid and profound that it might as well have been.
Dreams, in particular, had some very deep meaning to me.... I took many of them as signs of things to come, or that might be at some point... Many days went by that felt like Deja Vu because of things I had seen in my dreams. Have you ever had a shared dream, and wondered why or felt that everybody knew about it.
The Life of Dreams, at this time in my life, seemed as though it took on a life of its own... Hence the name. I lived my life in many different ways, at home with my parents present, I always felt like I wasn't myself, they had certain expectations of me when I was younger, so I had to force myself to act a certain way among them...
Out in the street, it seemed that I was another person yet again.... amongst my friends, I was in a different "hat," so to speak.... more out spoken, willing to confront and debate, etc.. again, they probably had certain expectations of me as well, but was blinded by what I considered friendship at that time in my life...
When it came to the Life of Dreams, it was an entirely different world, the setting may have been similar and people too... But, this world could be subject to alterations. I was almost literally living three separate lives, within one... And then there is the dream within a dream, just to make life even more complex... Such as the cycle of our old neighborhood...
This cycle, to which I referred to previously.... We lived among townhouse complexes, in a tight little neighborhood, kids having kids, and drugs in the street & lots of partying.... this made each generation closer to the one before, as well as the next... a complex, infinite cycle of a staggered generational gap. For example, My parents were much older than many of my friend's parents, old enough in fact to be, my friend's parent's parents.... Most of my friends had their own kids at at young age...
My Dreams, incorporated all these neighborhood aspects in them, so it was almost as if, I would go to sleep at night and wake up in the dream world and continue.... and with the drugs in my system so often, that is what it felt like...
Have you ever felt like you haven't slept in weeks, or months. You don't seem to age within the Life of Dreams, but you can live and die, and start over and over and over.... as goes the Dream within a Dream as well...
Imagine, living a life within a dream, and going to sleep within that dream, only to awaken in another dream to continue your life.... Age, doesn't matter and when you wake up in reality you have only aged by the one sleep.
Although my sleeping hours were very little at this time, the few hours that were spent each night in dreams... felt like days at a time. In a constant state of insomnia, and the haze of intoxication in Reality, paired with the combination of lengthy detailed dreams, so vivid and realistic.... There was a few years span, that all these aspects very much blurred together and became my life.... almost as if time had slowed to a crawl and time ceased to exist for me.
I took advantage of this feeling, most especially in my street life... There was times that it didn't feel like I ever went home, mainly because of my dream state. It was during this time, that I began to take notice to the many ideas that my mind was churning out on a daily basis. It was also the time roughly, that I took a serious look at my interests in music, the possibilities that could bring in life....
I had also come to a realization that, in order for my ideas to come to fruition I would have to curb my criminal activities, or at least shift them into a money making criminal lifestyle, but attempting to go about doing that was much harder than I ever anticipated...
Having the ties to the street, and the people in my circle, or the circle of people I was involved with began to show me where I was going wrong with my ideas.... Because of my dreams, filled with warnings.... I felt that something was coming for me. I had no idea what, maybe death, or health problems, or jail... I just didn't know.
My interest in music is where my head was at, my mentality was shifting into a more positive state of understanding. I was listening to Hip Hop music, and began noticing the similarities in my life compared to some of the story lines of songs.... I was relating and began to wonder, "How did these people get there, from where I am now?"
What did they have to change? In all my haze and negativity, I began to see the light.... How can a young Canadian kid, ever relate to some artist from the states who makes music about street life...
My drug use even changed, I became more and more internalized, seeking out deep thought and more uplifting conversation about where my head was at and how to get my ideas to become reality.... I was told to make a list of goals, keep it small, but reach for something big in stages...
I continued living my life as it was, I had little choice but to do so, but I began to really take notice of the world around me..... And change was soon to come.... in all aspects of my being, so said my Life of Dreams...
Sometime in the early 90's, I allowed my reality to slip away undetected... I was living in a daily haze of intoxication that became the norm for me. I never considered this a problem, but it made my thoughts run wild.... my imagination and my dreams would come up with all kinds of scenarios that may or may not have happened, but the imagery was so vivid and profound that it might as well have been.
Dreams, in particular, had some very deep meaning to me.... I took many of them as signs of things to come, or that might be at some point... Many days went by that felt like Deja Vu because of things I had seen in my dreams. Have you ever had a shared dream, and wondered why or felt that everybody knew about it.
The Life of Dreams, at this time in my life, seemed as though it took on a life of its own... Hence the name. I lived my life in many different ways, at home with my parents present, I always felt like I wasn't myself, they had certain expectations of me when I was younger, so I had to force myself to act a certain way among them...
Out in the street, it seemed that I was another person yet again.... amongst my friends, I was in a different "hat," so to speak.... more out spoken, willing to confront and debate, etc.. again, they probably had certain expectations of me as well, but was blinded by what I considered friendship at that time in my life...
When it came to the Life of Dreams, it was an entirely different world, the setting may have been similar and people too... But, this world could be subject to alterations. I was almost literally living three separate lives, within one... And then there is the dream within a dream, just to make life even more complex... Such as the cycle of our old neighborhood...
This cycle, to which I referred to previously.... We lived among townhouse complexes, in a tight little neighborhood, kids having kids, and drugs in the street & lots of partying.... this made each generation closer to the one before, as well as the next... a complex, infinite cycle of a staggered generational gap. For example, My parents were much older than many of my friend's parents, old enough in fact to be, my friend's parent's parents.... Most of my friends had their own kids at at young age...
My Dreams, incorporated all these neighborhood aspects in them, so it was almost as if, I would go to sleep at night and wake up in the dream world and continue.... and with the drugs in my system so often, that is what it felt like...
Have you ever felt like you haven't slept in weeks, or months. You don't seem to age within the Life of Dreams, but you can live and die, and start over and over and over.... as goes the Dream within a Dream as well...
Imagine, living a life within a dream, and going to sleep within that dream, only to awaken in another dream to continue your life.... Age, doesn't matter and when you wake up in reality you have only aged by the one sleep.
Although my sleeping hours were very little at this time, the few hours that were spent each night in dreams... felt like days at a time. In a constant state of insomnia, and the haze of intoxication in Reality, paired with the combination of lengthy detailed dreams, so vivid and realistic.... There was a few years span, that all these aspects very much blurred together and became my life.... almost as if time had slowed to a crawl and time ceased to exist for me.
I took advantage of this feeling, most especially in my street life... There was times that it didn't feel like I ever went home, mainly because of my dream state. It was during this time, that I began to take notice to the many ideas that my mind was churning out on a daily basis. It was also the time roughly, that I took a serious look at my interests in music, the possibilities that could bring in life....
I had also come to a realization that, in order for my ideas to come to fruition I would have to curb my criminal activities, or at least shift them into a money making criminal lifestyle, but attempting to go about doing that was much harder than I ever anticipated...
Having the ties to the street, and the people in my circle, or the circle of people I was involved with began to show me where I was going wrong with my ideas.... Because of my dreams, filled with warnings.... I felt that something was coming for me. I had no idea what, maybe death, or health problems, or jail... I just didn't know.
My interest in music is where my head was at, my mentality was shifting into a more positive state of understanding. I was listening to Hip Hop music, and began noticing the similarities in my life compared to some of the story lines of songs.... I was relating and began to wonder, "How did these people get there, from where I am now?"
What did they have to change? In all my haze and negativity, I began to see the light.... How can a young Canadian kid, ever relate to some artist from the states who makes music about street life...
My drug use even changed, I became more and more internalized, seeking out deep thought and more uplifting conversation about where my head was at and how to get my ideas to become reality.... I was told to make a list of goals, keep it small, but reach for something big in stages...
I continued living my life as it was, I had little choice but to do so, but I began to really take notice of the world around me..... And change was soon to come.... in all aspects of my being, so said my Life of Dreams...
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